By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
