Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
