me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
40s are totally the cure
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
