I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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