Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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