his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
