you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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