Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So vagazzling was a success
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
