I CAN MOONWALK!
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
