i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
