you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
