would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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