you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
