Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
