K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize