I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
