I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
