By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
