i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
