the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
