if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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