I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
