Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
