So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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