Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
