I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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