My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
one two three fourrrrnication!
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
