Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
