You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
