[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You know, be my cock's hype man.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
