Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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