question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
