You really coming over, don't trick.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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