I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
