Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
