I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
