theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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