And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
