I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
