your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
