i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
