Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
