i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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