i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
