i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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