I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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