uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
