Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm always down for nudity.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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