I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
