You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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