I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
