You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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