so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i believe in u and ur pee
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